The end....

Few more photos of the end of the ice fishing.

Days passing as a snail

I imagine, no, I KNOW that we all have hard days. Ones that make you doubt yourself, your abilities and even your time. There is much to be said about being quiet and not getting worked up about our own selves. It is something I need to re-learn every day. I love quiet mornings that I don't have to be anywhere in a hurry. I love waking up with a cup of coffee (we are good, comfortable, old friends) and feeling the sun come up over the lake to splash its warmth is a welcomed part of my day with a morning read. Even with that little utopia, today, this is what I feel like:

Today though, there is a hurt inside. An ache that won't go away. Some days it is easier to keep a stiff upper lip and ignore it, but not today. Today I'm not strong. Today I'm weak. Today it's hard to accomplish anything. We can all expect days like this, but this kind of day is especially hard. It's going to be 6 weeks before I see my Fiance. He's working long and crazy weird hours, I don't have any more vacation time except the 3 day saved for convention and can't go see him, he's tired, I miss him, wedding plans are difficult and stressful, it's cold and snowy here still, I'm trying to pack and there is no room to store it, and we're trying to do this all 700 miles apart. Keeping a love burning, a love growing stronger, keeping each other encouraged, hoping that the next 14 weeks pass quickly for the day we never have to be apart. It is hard.

Talking to my other mother last night she told me that there was time in her newly married life in the Alaska bush when they took stock of their account and money jar and all they had was 9 pennies. Think of it! 9 Lincoln's. That isn't very much. But she was happy and content being there with her husband and the adventures of the years building a cabin, keeping a garden and canning and freezing, and making trips once a year to the grocery store in Anchorage. That is love, they had each other.

My own mother has done the same; came to Kalispell to teach after living in London and abroad, married my dad and they were going to be gone 3 months to Alaska for dad to finish out working on the Slope for Neighbors Drilling. She moved with a cardboard box, her purse and two hot pink suitcases. Dad left her the day after they arrived for 3 weeks to work his shift. They were there six years upon which they moved back to the family ranch in Montana with me (8 months old) and struggled along wondering how to feed a growing family, running a sawmill, ranching, dad breaking his neck, not knowing if he'd walk again and mom 6 months pregnant with #3 having to water the pigs by 5 gallon buckets, farming, and living in a little cabin we later dubbed as The Rat House. That is love, they had each other.

So, there aren't too many differences of hurts and worries, just thirty-some years apart. I imagine those two women having to be strong and having some hard days. I was the oldest and had no concept of there being hard days, poor times, and dealing with the burdens of life. I just knew love from them and was wrapped up in the cocoon of it along with my siblings. They had to sacrifice because they did love.They are some of the most amazing women I've ever known and if I have half of their pluck and drive and ability to love, I will be a good wife. We do not know what is in our future, but we know Who holds the future. That will be a comfort no matter what kind of days there are.

DIY flowers

I've been having fun lately trying out different 'etsy' touches that I refuse to buy because "I know I can do it myself." There are days when I wonder what on earth I was trying to prove by Doing It Myself. However, I LOVE the look of these and cannot wait for them to be put to use!

Engagement Photos

The season of Spring

There is one season that is hard for me to reconcile with. That is Spring. It is my very least favorite. I know people say they love spring because they love the "change in the air" and the "flowers starting to grow" and the "smell of the earth" etc and so on. It's quite depressing really. Anyone who says that has never had to endure spring in the mud, get tractors stuck (like dad and brother did Saturday trying to plow), or seeing the ground under the trees and still have 2 feet of snow in the yard, or calving season or simple things like going for a walk with the dog and then having to give her a bath afterwards because her white 'fur' goes completely black. Giving the dog a bath every day is not in my top 5 things considered as Fun. It is also difficult to stay hopeful when this is the weather pattern of the first hour of the day. Like today.

6:35 am - Woke up to rain on the roof. That's okay. It's a tin roof and it sounds beautiful.
6:50 am - Stopped raining and made coffee. The smell of caffeine in the air is half the wake-up battle.
7:02 am - Started the pickup, slipped on the ice in the driveway. The wind came up and carried me back inside
7:10 am - Back to the pickup, stepped in mud -the only mud in the drive and may have ruined beloved Danskos. Left the house. It is snowing.
7:10:28 am - To the end of the driveway and it stopped snowing. Pickup thermometer says 33 degrees
7:58 am -  I see a big bright dot in the sky. It is not shining though.
8:10 am - Got to work,  it's raining....
And probably by the time the day is over, there will be snow, slush, sun, wind and rain, not in that order.

My real lament? It is supposed to be spring. Which means sun. Which we haven't seen since about the 1900's. Because we live in Sibera. And I am dying to feel the sun on me rather than just my eyeballs.

There are a few sweet things about spring which is seeing tiny crocuses' push up through the snow. And seeing the daffodils pushing up out of a flower bed that is surrounded in snow. And baby calves, okay especially the calves. Photos to follow.

I love buttons. They are just fun.....

and, thanks to my almost sister -in-law I have become totally enamored with these edible buttons she found on etsy. Yes. Oh yes and thank you. :)