The end....

Few more photos of the end of the ice fishing.

Days passing as a snail

I imagine, no, I KNOW that we all have hard days. Ones that make you doubt yourself, your abilities and even your time. There is much to be said about being quiet and not getting worked up about our own selves. It is something I need to re-learn every day. I love quiet mornings that I don't have to be anywhere in a hurry. I love waking up with a cup of coffee (we are good, comfortable, old friends) and feeling the sun come up over the lake to splash its warmth is a welcomed part of my day with a morning read. Even with that little utopia, today, this is what I feel like:

Today though, there is a hurt inside. An ache that won't go away. Some days it is easier to keep a stiff upper lip and ignore it, but not today. Today I'm not strong. Today I'm weak. Today it's hard to accomplish anything. We can all expect days like this, but this kind of day is especially hard. It's going to be 6 weeks before I see my Fiance. He's working long and crazy weird hours, I don't have any more vacation time except the 3 day saved for convention and can't go see him, he's tired, I miss him, wedding plans are difficult and stressful, it's cold and snowy here still, I'm trying to pack and there is no room to store it, and we're trying to do this all 700 miles apart. Keeping a love burning, a love growing stronger, keeping each other encouraged, hoping that the next 14 weeks pass quickly for the day we never have to be apart. It is hard.

Talking to my other mother last night she told me that there was time in her newly married life in the Alaska bush when they took stock of their account and money jar and all they had was 9 pennies. Think of it! 9 Lincoln's. That isn't very much. But she was happy and content being there with her husband and the adventures of the years building a cabin, keeping a garden and canning and freezing, and making trips once a year to the grocery store in Anchorage. That is love, they had each other.

My own mother has done the same; came to Kalispell to teach after living in London and abroad, married my dad and they were going to be gone 3 months to Alaska for dad to finish out working on the Slope for Neighbors Drilling. She moved with a cardboard box, her purse and two hot pink suitcases. Dad left her the day after they arrived for 3 weeks to work his shift. They were there six years upon which they moved back to the family ranch in Montana with me (8 months old) and struggled along wondering how to feed a growing family, running a sawmill, ranching, dad breaking his neck, not knowing if he'd walk again and mom 6 months pregnant with #3 having to water the pigs by 5 gallon buckets, farming, and living in a little cabin we later dubbed as The Rat House. That is love, they had each other.

So, there aren't too many differences of hurts and worries, just thirty-some years apart. I imagine those two women having to be strong and having some hard days. I was the oldest and had no concept of there being hard days, poor times, and dealing with the burdens of life. I just knew love from them and was wrapped up in the cocoon of it along with my siblings. They had to sacrifice because they did love.They are some of the most amazing women I've ever known and if I have half of their pluck and drive and ability to love, I will be a good wife. We do not know what is in our future, but we know Who holds the future. That will be a comfort no matter what kind of days there are.

DIY flowers

I've been having fun lately trying out different 'etsy' touches that I refuse to buy because "I know I can do it myself." There are days when I wonder what on earth I was trying to prove by Doing It Myself. However, I LOVE the look of these and cannot wait for them to be put to use!

Engagement Photos

The season of Spring

There is one season that is hard for me to reconcile with. That is Spring. It is my very least favorite. I know people say they love spring because they love the "change in the air" and the "flowers starting to grow" and the "smell of the earth" etc and so on. It's quite depressing really. Anyone who says that has never had to endure spring in the mud, get tractors stuck (like dad and brother did Saturday trying to plow), or seeing the ground under the trees and still have 2 feet of snow in the yard, or calving season or simple things like going for a walk with the dog and then having to give her a bath afterwards because her white 'fur' goes completely black. Giving the dog a bath every day is not in my top 5 things considered as Fun. It is also difficult to stay hopeful when this is the weather pattern of the first hour of the day. Like today.

6:35 am - Woke up to rain on the roof. That's okay. It's a tin roof and it sounds beautiful.
6:50 am - Stopped raining and made coffee. The smell of caffeine in the air is half the wake-up battle.
7:02 am - Started the pickup, slipped on the ice in the driveway. The wind came up and carried me back inside
7:10 am - Back to the pickup, stepped in mud -the only mud in the drive and may have ruined beloved Danskos. Left the house. It is snowing.
7:10:28 am - To the end of the driveway and it stopped snowing. Pickup thermometer says 33 degrees
7:58 am -  I see a big bright dot in the sky. It is not shining though.
8:10 am - Got to work,  it's raining....
And probably by the time the day is over, there will be snow, slush, sun, wind and rain, not in that order.

My real lament? It is supposed to be spring. Which means sun. Which we haven't seen since about the 1900's. Because we live in Sibera. And I am dying to feel the sun on me rather than just my eyeballs.

There are a few sweet things about spring which is seeing tiny crocuses' push up through the snow. And seeing the daffodils pushing up out of a flower bed that is surrounded in snow. And baby calves, okay especially the calves. Photos to follow.

I love buttons. They are just fun.....

and, thanks to my almost sister -in-law I have become totally enamored with these edible buttons she found on etsy. Yes. Oh yes and thank you. :)

Ice Fishing Days

 Saturday morning proved to be a beautiful blue bird day... And the fishing wasn't bad! Lynae and I brought breakfast out to the men hard at work. Some coffee, tea and blueberry muffins.

A new life to be....

What happens when you don't control your own life? Amazing, wonderful, unthinkable things that would never happen to you in a million years. Like falling in love in 10 days of meeting someone.

This was the first photo ever taken of us. 

3 weeks later, here we are acting like gangsters. :) 

And gradually he started to show a sweeter side.... a side that makes me smile inside just because.

But the happiest day was when he asked me to marry him and be his wife. I said YES!! This happened like any other couple getting engaged. I dared him! And that's how we got engaged :)

North Fork looking across to the train tracks and graffiti that's been there forever.

 A waterfall across the train tracks.

Roasting by the fire

Freezing cold, fully clothed sitting in the sauna
Beautiful sisters and Wonderful Friends.

Sweet little....

It is so obvious that we have a problem with the lack of children in this household (no I'm not volunteering to alter the situation any time soon) but with that we have an uncommon amount of photos of the Dog. My niece. Whiski. 

The most amazed....

There is something to be said to be proven wrong. It's a good feeling! For my diatribe of being an Unromantic Scrooge? I have undergone a full 180. Valentine's Day is my favorite Holiday now.  

The quick run down is I was thrown a HUGE surprise 30th birthday party where girlfriends flew in  with their families and ALL conspired against me to fly Dustin in. I've never been so surprised in my life. I'll get into the story someday, but not now. 

Monday rolls around and the really really short version is Dustin and I got ENGAGED!!!!! I'm so happy, so thrilled, excited, amazed, and beyond words! I most likely will take a hiatus from posting as I have an event to plan. (insert HUGE cat-eating grin here)

A wonderful, sweet, life changing and prayed for event.

When: August 5th, 2011

Where: the Lakehouse

The rest of the details: I'm too overwhelmed to know.

BUT I'M HAPPY!

Learning

We are always learning.

And I'm learning to be thankful for this.

I am of a mind that wants to KNOW stuff. Lots of stuff. Completely unrelated stuff. What does sewing and couplings have in common anyway? Answer: Nothing. I only know what couplings are because I've had to help dad put them on hoses after ripping them out of tractor without unhooking them. Oops. I even went to the John Deere shop to get them. So I know what they look like and purpose thereof.

I just don't know any of my "curious george" interests well. I like, I look, I play but I don't always understand them or know the intricacies of the item. Say this camera. I love this camera. I know it's amazing, it's beautiful, it just feels right when I hold it. I've connected with it, we have a bond. I have books that I've bought, borrowed and have been given about this camera.... but do you think I take the time?  Not too much. When I go to look at it, I suddenly remember the pattern I just have to finish knitting or sewing. Or the new recipe I just have to try. Most times I'm just too exhausted. I really do not like this tiredness and not sure why I have it. Part of the reason is I'm ADD and the other part is it takes a memorizing mind to remember what setting needs to be at what location/setting/light etc. Same goes with my photo editor. It's such an amazing program I'm scared of it! Okay not really, but it's rather daunting.

But for 4 days now, EVERY time and without fail, I have not had my camera with me going to work and I have missed captured moments.

*I saw a Jeep Cherokee in the middle of a lake. Fishing. Okay the people in the jeep were standing by it fishing. The Green Jeep looked like it was stoically defying traffic by boldly being where no car should think of going. Perhaps it was daring other cars to go where no Jeep has gone before...

*I saw this a couple weeks ago, but saw it again today. A 20-something guy crossing the street in a winter coat, jeans, hat and........ flip flops. He must be an import. Definitely a photo op.

*2 days ago I saw a homeless man wrapped in blankets on the street waiting for the light to change so he could cross. He held his gloveless hands around his body to keep the blankets around him. He also cradled an unzipped backpack in his arms. It was really cold about  -10F. I really really wanted my camera for a profile photo of him with his breath coming out in short puffs and the cars and trucks whizzing by. He looked like aloneness and cold was a part of his being, almost like he was comfortable in it. I sincerely wondered what he was thinking.

*Yesterday was AMAZING. It was SUPER cold. So cold dad says the cows give ice cream. It was -22. The River was steaming- it looked surreal with the mountains covered in snow and the peaks tipped with a brilliant pink and purple of the first sign of sunrise. It was beautiful. Coming back home I drove into a sunset where the sky literally boiled in the west with purple, pink and tinges of orange.

*It's 12 degrees today and the frost on the trees and demure grey tones of the earth and air were captured by a bald eagle flying over the Flathead River catching an updraft. The wings were spread and he just looked happy. Cars were flying over the bridge and he didn't care, he was in his element. 

So lessons in learning. I need to carry my camera with me. Maybe my Pre-Mother-in-law can take over the photo editing. Dustin calls me his PreFiance. So, thus!

Norman Rockwell

Norman Rockwell is one of my favorite artists. This photo at present seems to describe life because the days are so short when Dustin comes to visit! And there is never enough time when he's around!

    

Little Sunday Time

Self portrait

This is Tony, my awesome brother who is giving us directions and how to's in the kitchen. He is good at this. He's gruff, he's funny and I love it. Not that I listen to him, but he returns the favor and doesn't listen to me. It's a good time!

I'm not sure what is going on here... Lynae finding Tony's hunchback perhaps. In disgust she says, That's your SPINE!

Mom trying on my new glasses and she couldn't see herself in the mirror! Hilarious!

Dustin is so IN with the family. He plays 'bears' with Whiski. It's her favorite game.

Little Whiski is Soooooo tired. And cuddly.